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BEHOLD #134 – Helmut, the Heavy Metal Hedgepom


Yellow cotton pom pom character with googly eyes resembling a hedgehog with metallic gold spikes poses in front of a kelly green glitter background

The name Hedgepom comes from where they like to build their nests (in hedges and shrubs) and the snorting noises they make (like the ones hogs and pigs make). They are nocturnal which helps Helmut since he plays a lot of late–night gigs with his band Metal Hedge. Their fans are called “Spikes.” Their favorite nightclub to play at is the Whiskey–A–Pom Pom, and as the lead singer Helmut enjoys crowd surfing and spitting into the audience. When Hedgepoms are stimulated, they cover themselves in foamy saliva. This is called self–anointing, and Helmut likes to audience–anoint. There are 17 kinds of Hedgepoms and each has 5,000 to 7,000 spikes. Each spike lasts for about a year before it falls out. If Helmut feels threatened, he will roll up into a ball so only his spikes show to protect him. This happened once at the Whiskey when an over–zealous Spike streaked across the stage naked and tried to anoint him. A group of Hedgepoms is called an “array” and after the show, Helmut and the rest of the band, his array, like to hit up the buffet of beetles, caterpillars, and berries at the Sizzler. They avoid the shredded cheese since they are lactose intolerant. Although they are generally solitary creatures, Helmut tried to go solo and he didn’t have much commercial success, so he reunited with the other members of Metal Hedge, and they are now on their Repomunion Tour.

Did you know that Hedgepoms are smaller than Pocupoms? They are a different species (more closely related to moles).

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