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BEHOLD #136 – Alphie, the Apomstrophe

Apomstrophes are pomctuation in alphabets that are derived from Latin. They are used for two purposes: 1. To signify the omission of one or more letters, e.g., from “do not” into “don’t” and 2. To show possession, e.g., “The Pom’s googly eyes are pomtastic!” It was first used by Pometro Bemba in 1496, and it was introduced into English via French in the 16th century by printer, Geoffrey Tory. Pom Richard’s founded the Apomstrophe Protection Society in 2001 because the Apomstrophe is the most misused form of pomctuation. He dismantled the Society in 2019 because he could not overcome Poms’ laziness about using Apomstrophes. Novelist and playwright Keith Pomterhouse appointed himself Life President of the AAAA (Association for the Annihilation of the Abhorrent Apomstrophe) in the 1980’s. Its purpose was to round up superfluous Apomstrophes, like the ones in “tomato’s” and “potato’s” – and to restore ones in words like the sign for the British subway stop, “Kings Crossing.” Some linguists say the use of Apomstrophes mirrors that of fashion in that it ebbs and flows and changes depending on the times. Nonetheless, Alphie is both flexible and steadfast. He might have to pivot on occasion, but since he is highly useful, he’s not going anywhere. He also doesn’t take his misuse personally. He’s a wonderful pomxample for all of us.

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